The King's Man sure is a movie, huh?

Notes on English royalist propaganda, war movies, and weird politics

I really do like the first Kingsman movie. It came out of nowhere and swept me up. I like the second one less and I like this one... hmm... not at all. 

Disclaimer: I want to make very sure that you understand that I'm not making any sort of objective judgement on the quality of the movie. These are my personal opinions which you are, of course, very free to disagree with.

Also: spoilers from here on out!

 

My first and maybe most significant problem with this movie is the lasting impression that this movie was actually two - if not three - movies in a trenchcoat. The part of the movie seen in the trailer I saw in the movie theater and suggested by the poster is only about a third of the movie. And while, yes, it is customary that the trailers only show parts of a film or the beginning, this trailer suggested a tone and style and atmosphere that the rest of the movie lacked. Rasputin (Rhys Ifans) dies about a third of the way through and with him almost all the fun the movie had. The ominous shepherd (Matthew Goode) is instead the main villain (more on him later). Afterwards the movie turns into a war movie for a bit, which I did not expect and did not enjoy in the least. If I had wanted to watch a war movie, which I never do, I would have watched a war movie. Mind you, I don't generally hate having WWI be an integral part of the movie, however, there is a difference between having war as a setting and a war movie, where we see desperate fighting in the trenches and across no-man's-land. After the war movie interlude, it tries to pick up the funky spy action part again but - at least to me - fails in getting back on track. The last scene (before the credits) where they sit together and toast to the newformed kingsman agency was almost one of the most enjoyable scenes in the movie.

Look. I don't think that this movie's structure was neccessarily terrible. If it had not been a Kingsman movie, I might have been more forgiving. But it is a Kingsman movie. I go and watch a Kingsman movie because it has good and interesting-to-look-at action, because it is a fun spy movie that affectionately ribs on tropes of the genre, because the villain is funky and has a plan that is wildly out there. This movie has almost none of that. Apart from maybe one or two fun fight scenes and the odd reference here and there, it could've been any other movie.

Apart from my misgivings about tone and plot, I was perturbed by the socio-political implications in this movie. First of all, I feel uncomfortable with the movie's stance that both Hitler and Lenin among other historical figures were working with and for the same shadow organisation completely divorced from their actual ideologies and reasonings. Maybe you could argue that I am being too sensitive but to me these are unacceptable implications.

Secondly, I found the insistence on the goodness of the British monarchy to be a bit odd, neutrally speaking. I mean, sure, the movie is called The KING's Man, so some royalist notions shouldn't really surprise me, but the length to which this movie goes to show that King George - and only King George - is a friendly and good and reasonable leader, was kind of baffling to me. In the end, the movie makes a point to stress how glad we all are that he did not suffer the fate of his counterparts and is still here to lead England without a hint of irony. Furthermore, the villain's stated motivation plays into this as well. He is a Scotsman with extremely valid grievances; the criticisms he has of England and its treatment of Scotland ring true but his methods are so wildly overblown (starting a devastating multi-nation war just to bring England to its knees) that they seem manic instead. Because he is tyrannical and cruel and unquestionably a bad guy, his motivations become entwined with him and thus lose credibility while the good guys, friendly to the English monarchy, become righteous and ultimately victorious.

This tactic of discrediting valid social grievances in movies is one the MCU especially - and rightfully - is criticized for and it is found here as well.

Now, over to my list of petty complaints:
- I like Djimon Hounsou and would've liked to see him more.
- I always dislike the 'woman dies to give men motivation'-trope and this movie starts out like that.
- Close to the end Polly (Gemma Arterton), the one significant female character, kisses Duke Orlando Oxford (Ralph Fiennes). To me that was so out of the blue, as if the creators had realized that they were almost through with the movie and had completely forgotten the customary heterosexual romance.
- Conrad (Harris Dickinson) dies so unneccessarily, shot in the head by friendly troops due to a misunderstanding. If they had wanted him to die, why not have him die in no-man's-land? Maybe the fact that he died unneccessarily was the point but I didn't like it.

I rarely feel like I wasted my money watching a movie, but I really could have let this one go.

Satori over and out

P.S. If you want to read a more structured and less rambling review of this movie, why not check out Siran Hans' one in The Guardian or Brian Tallerico's.

It's time for a movie spree add-on: Gunpowder Milkshake

 I did end up getting to watch Gunpowder Milkshake after all. The movie theater added another showing so I could watch this movie at night. 

Gunpowder Milkshake

I'm glad I got to watch it. It's an enjoyable action flick with heart. The action is innovative and brutal and I loved the aesthetics and the way they gave the movie an alternate universe out of time feel. 3.5/5

It's time for a movie spree

 When I made a post about The Gentlemen in April I vaguely mentioned being afraid that the movie theaters might not open in the near future. As it turned out, my fears were unfounded and theaters opened back up around August and this time there were movies I wanted to watch. So. many. movies. 

So naturally, I went on a movie spree and am now officially back on my regular schedule. All with necessary safety precautions, of course. 

What follows now is a quick rundown of every movie I watched in order and with short impressions and ratings. Here we go:

The Green Knight

I have been looking forward to this one for ages and when I finally watched it, it fullfilled all my expectations. Wonderfully strange and dark folkloric-feeling tale of what honor even means. 5/5

The Suicide Squad

I've already given you my rundown on this one. Better than the first, brutal, bloody, a good time at the movies. 4/5

Promising Young Woman

I really believe the movie was advertised wrong. It's not the fun revenge story some trailers and quotes made it seem and is instead a heavy compelling portrait of a woman eaten alive by grief and rage and guilt. 4/5

Dune

Epic sci-fi, perfectly understandable even for people who have next to no prior knowledge of the book(s). Gorgeous visuals, gorgeous music, a story that slowly unfolds and stays open for the next one. 5/5

James Bond: No Time to Die

As customary for Craig Bonds, very serious, very driven. Personally I enjoyed the complexity and human aspects they have given Bond and thought overall the story was well crafted. 3.5/5

Eternals

As I've said to a friend, this movie suffered from having to be part of the MCU. There was much there that could've been truly great but was hindered by having to adhere to MCU standards. However, the movie succeeded in humanizing its immortal characters insofar that I could sympathize with their struggles, which is quite a feat. 3/5

House of Gucci

Watched ths one in a Ladies' First preview with a friend and liked it quite a bit despite the fact that this is not my ususal genre at all. Great acting, great writing, great story development. Great movie as long as you don't mind that every character is deeply terrible. 4.5/5

I really wanted to watch Gunpowder Milkshake but our movie theater had a heating misshap and thus I missed the last showing. Eh, I'll just have to wait.

Satori over and out

Reviews of Christmas classics I have never watched before: A Nightmare before Christmas

There are some movies widely considered Christmas classics that I have never watched before. Not for any particular reason mostly, they just haven't come up in my watchlist ever. Most of these are so ingrained in popculture that I sometimes feel like I DID watch them after all by virtue of knowing the major plot points and having seen snippets here and there. 

Still, I do like to do little post series on this blog and I'll pick up the new tradition to to a Christmas-themed post series from last year, so that's what I'll do. I'll watch Christmas movies and give my opinion on them.

First up, The Nightmare before Christmas.

 

In contrast to the other movies on this list, I have always meant to watch The Nightmare before Christmas. But every year I missed my chance to watch it either on Halloween or on Christmas. This is the year I finally sat down to watch it and I can definitely see what the fuss is all about. It is at its core a simple story about taking over what you don't understand and it failing miserably. It is animated gorgeously and the character design is so very creative. No wonder the visuals are and remain staples of weird kid culture until today. The songs are cool, I've had 'this is Halloween' stuck in my head for the past few days even though it doesn't fit at all right now. By the way, this is a Christmas movie.

"Bad" movies I enjoy 3 - The Covenant

The Covenant
(Ratings: 4/62)

The remarkable thing about this rating is that its audience score is over 50 but its critical score is the lowest on the list. It’s lower than Catwoman if you can believe that, meaning this movie has fans and the fans are dedicated enough to drag the score all the way up to 62, which is better than almost every single movie on this list except for King Arthur.

The Covenant is a story about four male teenage witches that get attacked by a fifth witch who wants to steal their powers. This fifth witch is played by Sebastian Stan who would go on to be a fan favorite in the MCU. In that world magic is addictive and it’s all well and good until you ascend on your 18th birthday and reach your full potential, because the more magic you use afterwards, the faster you age and eventually die, which is why Sebastian Stan witch wants to kill the first of the group to turn 18 and steal his power. He doesn’t realize that he will still die but he also doesn’t much care.

There’s no need to sugarcoat it, this movie is bad. Rife with cheap effects, baffling writing, actors clearly in their 20s playing teenagers, and that good early 2000s sexism. Yet if you asked me what I would change to make this movie better, or good even, I’d have to tell you: nothing. This movie is perfect as it is.

Should you watch it? - Yes! It’s bad but in a way that’s enjoyable to watch. The dudes are also shirtless and sweaty quite a bit, if that’s a selling point for you.

Stuff I liked as a child/teen 2: Heroes

 

I got into Heroes after I bought the steelbook edition of the second half of season one at a yard sale. Despite me missing the whole premise and character introduction I was immediately hooked. Slowly but surely I bought the rest of the show (in steelbook editions, naturally, and second hand). And while the show had a troubled production and wildly varied in quality, it has a place in my heart until today.

Heroes ran from 2006 to 2010. Although I did not watch it when it first came out. I guess I was about 14 when I first saw it and when I first fell in love with their varied characters with their varied stories and powers.

The premise of Heroes is that some people discover they have latent superpowers and navigate what that means for them. They also have to stop a murderous superpowered serial killer, keep New York from exploding, save a cheerleader, evade a shady government agency and prevent a couple of disastrous futures. Among other things.

My favorite character by far was kind and gentle nurse Peter Petrelli (Milo Ventimiglia), who adopts the powers of every superpowered being he comes across but cannot control them in the least. He is so continuously good and selfless, which is something I love. My other favorite is Hiro Nakamura (Masi Oka), a comics nerd from Japan, whose time and space travel powers are among the strongest in the show but who just wants to be a hero. Another thing I loved was when the Indian scientist Mohinder Suresh (Sendhil Ramamurthy) and the ex-cop Matt Parkman (Greg Grunberg) just lived together in an apartment in New York and parented a child, whose parents were murdered. Extremely random but very cute. Heroes also put Zachary Quinto on the map. He played a superpowered serial killer, was a dark mirror and foil to Peter and so popular with fans that he eventually got a redemption arc.

Notes on The Suicide Squad

aka no badder bad guy than the US government


I watched The Suicide Squad this week and I ejoyed it quite a bit. It’s silly, it’s brutal, it doesn’t pretend to be anything that it isn't and it has surprising heart. Better than the other one by far. 

In her review Youtuber Amanda the Jedi elaborates a bit more on that surprising heart than I will do here. Suffice to say, this movie makes you care about the characters more than the other one ever did. They feel like people and their relationships feel genuine. 

Another aspect I liked about this movie is that despite being shock-full of ‘bad guys’ the story makes it clear at every turn that the baddest bad guy is and remains the US government.

I called this post ‘notes’ because it will be quite short since the points I am making are more or less obvious and not much analysis will go into this. It’s more a rehashing of elements of the movie that prove my argument.

Spoilers from here on out!

Almost everyone in this movie is some type of ‘bad guy’. (The only exception being the freedom fighters they meet on the island nation where their mission takes place.) The squad itself are criminals (with a varying degree of severity), the targets of their mission are brutal military dictators, their contact is a cruel mad scientist, the monster they fight in the end kills humans by the hundreds. And yet the US government, represented in the movie by Amanda Waller, the leader of the taskforce, (played by the brilliant Viola Davis) and - to a lesser degree - Peacemaker (John Cena) comes away arguably the worst.

Let’s go through the movie mostly chronologically (and in a list):

• That Amanda Waller is ruthless and does not care about anything but the missions she is tasked with - least of all the lives of the squad members - was already obvious in the other movie. This one hammers it home on multiple occasions. She lets a team walk into an ambush as a distraction, threatens to have the 16-year-old daughter of a squad member killed should he not agree to the mission, and orders the indiscriminate killing of locals among other things.
  
• The US government’s involvement in regime changes in middle and South America is both alluded to and outright stated as well as supported by the fact that the squad’s involvement is at no point meant to help the people of the country but secure the US government’s self interest, because while the previous regime was also brutal, it was favorable to the US and, therefore, didn’t warrant intervention.
• Later they find out that the actual goal of the mission has been to destroy records of the US government’s involvement in human experiments conducted on the island with an alien starfish US astronauts had picked up decades ago. The experiments were conducted on the island on purpose, so the government could keep them quiet. The previous regime used the alien and the experiments to get rid of their enemies and the US government supported them.
• Squad leader Rick Flag (Joel Kinnaman) is appalled by this and wants to instead let the world know what happened. Since he is US military and not a bad guy, Amanda Waller cannot threaten to kill him instantly to ensure his cooperation and has instead made sure that Peacemaker would kill everyone necessary to keep the secret for her, which he does.
• Peacemaker as a character in general exemplifies some of the negative qualities of US foreign intervention. In a pointed line he says “I am committed to peace, no matter how many men, women, and children I have to kill for it”*. He is, nominally, following vague ideals of freedom and peace while at the same time committing atrocious acts in the name of these ideals.
• Through mishaps the starfish is released instead of killed and it has grown considerably in 30 years. The first thing it does is declare the city his and possess what is left of the military. Amanda Waller orders the squad to leave as she believes the records to be destroyed (they are not). When the squad decides it’s time to be good guys and save the city and its people, she threatens to blow them up and would have done so, had she not been stopped by her assistants.
• When Starro the giant starfish is defeated and dies, he says through one of the humans he possessed, "I was happy floating, staring at the stars”, underscoring the fact that Starro only became a monster threatening earth through the actions of the US government and making me feel sorry for him.
  

In the end, the protagonists might be villains (although, again, to differing degrees, Ratcatcher 2 just stole stuff) but the degree of their villainy and the amount of suffering they cause is always trumped by the US government.


Anyway. Movie was fun. Nanaue the shark person was my favorite. Loved the little rat. Sad about some deaths but what can you do.

Satori over and out

* Forgive me if that isn't the exact line, I watched the movie in German.